


Just Rest

by ERERIWORLD



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Gen, I'm a terrible person, Self-Acceptance, this shouldn't be a thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-19
Updated: 2014-12-19
Packaged: 2018-03-02 04:04:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2798858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ERERIWORLD/pseuds/ERERIWORLD
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A song fic about white haired Kaneki apologizing to black haired Kaneki.</p><p>*HUGE SPOILERS FROM MANGA*</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just Rest

I woke up in a panic. Where was I? What… wasn’t I… dead? Didn’t they take… I looked around and saw the red flowers and let out a high pitched scream. No, not here. Not here… not in my mind… where-

“Kaneki-kun… your friend was so delicious. You should have savored him longer.” Rize-san giggled behind me as she wrapped her arms around me. Tears started to form but I wouldn’t let them fall. I was stronger than this.

I heard a snap and cringed seeing Jason walk up to me. “One thousand… nine hundred ninty-three.” No. Stop. Not this again. I closed my eyes and forced them to go away from my mind, but when I opened them and saw who was in front of me, I wanted them back. I looked at his white hair and grey eyes that were my own.

“Oh, won’t you tell me?” He whispered looking beaten and broken. He held out a shackled wrist to me and I took his hand in my own as he leaned against me. “Please, just tell me.”  
“Tell you what?” I asked not knowing if I should push him away or hold him closer. He was me… but he wasn’t. He was the ‘ghoul’ me. We couldn’t become one in time and now we’re… dead? Or at least unconscious. 

“Explain how this should work.” Tears fell from his cheeks and I was quick to wipe them away. We were stronger than this… at least… I thought so. Or maybe we weren’t. In the end… because I didn’t listen to Touka, Tsukiyama or Yomo-san, we were dead or at least not awake. We didn’t deserve to be really. Not after all the destruction we’ve done.  
He cracked his fingers and I cringed again. Stop it. “Well now who could it be? That lives inside of me?”

I choked on my tears and held him closer. Which one of us was the true Kaneki Ken? Why… Why did no one stop me from becoming this? No. They did try. They risked all their lives to bust me out. Rather than a person who hurts others, become the person getting hurt. That’s what made me not want them to come when I was kidnapped. That’s what made me not listen to them in the end because I had to go help manager and try to save our home. Maybe… the Kaneki in my arms and myself weren’t all that different.

“I’m broken, lying helpless, shattered, surrounded by the world.” He looked up at me and grimaced at my smile from thinking about helping my friends out of danger. “And yet you’re smiling bright, completely blind to life.”

I bit my lip a little from how desperate he looked. What did he want? Why was he doing this? I just wanted him to go away but he wouldn’t because this was his mind too and he wanted to stay. He wasn’t going to leave me alone. 

“My ruptured lungs; they were left this way. For once I’m out of breath. The truth I seek, never felt so bleak, but I maintain my depth.”

“Then rest for a while. You don’t have to keep torturing yourself.” I whispered to him but he shook his head.

“Freeze. I’m breakable; unbreakable. I’m shaking yet, unshakable. Until the day that you find me.”

Was this a cry for help? Did he just want me to accept him? “Hey, it’s okay. I’m here.”

“I’ll stand here, existing and feeling wretched existence. Consuming life-force till I grow distant! Don’t bother searching for somebody like me! A fading no one…”

“No! You’re someone! You touched everyone’s lives. You… you made everyone love you. You’re not gone. Not yet…” I didn’t think he was listening to me anymore but I had to make him see reason. Everyone loved him. They were all proud of him because he could do the things I couldn’t. He could adapt to the ghoul world, because he was the ‘ghoul’ me.

He looked up at me suddenly with teary eyes. “I don’t want to hurt you, it’s not my nature! A monster born from dusk to dawn can’t be your savior! Remember the ‘me’ the way I used to be. As who I still should be…”

No… he wanted to be me. This wasn’t an acceptance speech. This was an apology for hurting me. For taking away every last thing he possibly could from me. I just wanted a simple life coexisting with both ghouls and humans and he made it a war scene. “It’s okay… shhh… you don’t have to worry. You don’t have to be the strong one anymore. I can be the strong one… Please… listen to me.”

“The isolation spreads and tears. Those happy days, pierce into me. These lonely memories cease to care. They spread throughout my history. I’ll never move. I’ll never lose. I’ll never move. I’ll never lose. I’ll never move. I’ll never lose you!” He was staring at me with wide eyes as he clutched onto my shoulders tightly. “I’m unravelling the world!”  
I wrapped my arms around him and we fell in a sea of red flowers. “Shhhh…” I press his head into my chest. “Stop. You don’t have to. We’re not in the real world anymore… We’re dead to put it simply… you don’t have to do anything.” I paused and looked at him. I hold his cheeks so we could be staring each other in the eyes and start to try to calm him down. “Shhh, I accept you. I realize that I’m both human and ghoul. I’ve said that from the beginning. You didn’t have to do anything to prove that ghouls were good. We’re in this together, so let’s rest a bit.”

“At once I start changing… yet everything’s remaining. These lives I felt would join as one, they fade away before they’ve begun. I’m breakable; unbreakable. I’m shaking yet, unshakable. Until these hands “contaminate” you.”

“No. You’re so wrong. You’re so wrong. We’re one. You can’t destroy me and I can’t destroy you. If you would just let yourself become one with me you’ll see that we’ll make each other stronger. Stop this nonsense.” I had to snap him out of this. It was the only way for us to live here in peace and, if possible, get out of here and find our friends again.  
“I’ll stand here, existing and feeling wretched existence, consuming life-fore, till I grow distant. Don’t bother searching for somebody like me. A fading no one.” His tears fell on my cheeks making me shiver from their coldness.

I leaned up to hold him closer. “Shhhhh, you can’t do this to yourself. Stop it. It’s okay. It’s okay…” I started to run my hands through my hair. We have to join as one so we could coexist. So, we don’t hurt each other again.

“This lonely place; held into place by someone crazy, shall melt away like dawn to day as things get hazy. So, please think of me, the way I used to be! As who I really should be!” He stared at me with pleading eyes, the same pleading eyes that Tsukiyama gave me when he was on the ground telling me not to go, only this stung so much more, because the other part of me that makes me me thought I could actually forget him. “So, don’t forget me. You can’t forget me. You won’t forget me. Please, don’t forget me!”

“I won’t. I swear.” I said so seriously I even surprised myself. I truly meant this.

“Changing inside, I’m completely paralyzed, remaining corrupt as I wish for paradise. Remember the ‘me’ the way I used to be.”

“I’ll take you to that paradise. I will. Just let it all go.” I slide him to the white ground and held him close to me staring into his eyes while I wiped his tears away.

“Oh, won’t you tell. Oh, please just tell. Well, now who could it be? That lives inside of us?”

“A good person.” I whispered and closed my eyes. “A good person. Now, rest for a bit.”

I felt him nod while I slowly drift off to sleep the last thing I heard was a very soft, “Thank you, Kaneki.”


End file.
